For those Twistcon savants out there, I have a special announcement for you. Just like Watson, IBM\u2019s artificial intelligence, the Twistcon has been invited to perform on a public stage. It\u2019s avatar, Savvy, didn\u2019t have to play against a chess master, however. Instead, Savvy was invited to interview the President of the United States. The following is the text of that interview.<\/p>\n
Savvy<\/em>: Mr. President, it is a great honor for Savvy and its programming staff to be given this opportunity. Savvy\u2019s previous encounters with a human have been marred by the illogic of its interlocutor. That problem should not reappear in this interview, given your achievement of the highest office in the land.<\/p>\n President<\/em>: You know I won with the greatest landslide victory in history. Millions came out for my inaugural. It was fantastic! So many people . . . just fantastic!<\/p>\n Savvy<\/em>: (A pause while the Twistcon made an almost inaudible whirring sound)<\/em> You should know, Mr. President, that Savvy has access to millions of data files, including everything recorded about President<\/em>: I\u2019ve always been a great deal maker. That hasn\u2019t changed. I have a great brain, belief me. No change there either. But, you know, the American dream is dead. It\u2019s dead. Everybody knows it. Only I can fix it! I will make America great again. We make bad deals. Terrible deals. We don\u2019t win anymore. That ends now. It ends! There\u2019ll be so much winning. We\u2019ll get tired of winning. It\u2019ll be beautiful. There\u2019ll be so much winning!<\/p>\n Savvy<\/em>: Press reports indicated that your predecessor organized a thorough and comprehensive transition for your new administration. Did you and your team feel prepared on day one to assume control of the Federal government?<\/p>\n President<\/em>: My meeting with President Obama was great. Really, he\u2019s a nice guy. I was surprised. I thought we\u2019d have maybe 10 or 15 minutes. But we talked for nearly an hour and a half. It was great. I think we\u2019ll be talking a lot more. My team\u2014Kellyanne , Steve, Reince, and Michael\u2014they\u2019re all ready to go . . . actually rarin\u2019 to go, even before the transition. Ivanka and Jared are ready too. They\u2019re part of my team. It\u2019s going to be beautiful. Believe me.<\/p>\n Savvy<\/em>: You must know that Congress blocked a President\u2019s relatives from serving in key administrative positions after Robert Kennedy served as Attorney General in his brother\u2019s Administration.<\/p>\n President<\/em>: That was a democratic administration, right? Jared and Ivanka will just be non-paid advisors. You know Obama had his wife with him in the White House, just like Eleanor and, my god, Hillary. Can you believe it? Can you believe the democrats? I won\u2019t be doing that with Melania. She\u2019s staying in New York. <\/p>\n Savvy<\/em>: The First Lady is not considered a part of the government. (Another pause interrupted by a soft whirring sound)<\/em> Let\u2019s move on to another topic. You seemed to get along with your predecessor during the transition. But recently you accused him of wiretapping Trump tower. Given your history with the former President\u2014that is, your claims that he was born in Kenya, possibly a secret Muslim, and your recent statement that he \u201cwas the founder of ISIS\u201d\u2014do you still plan to confer with him?<\/p>\n President<\/em>: We haven\u2019t talked. You know, he wiretapped me and my staff. Who does such a thing? By wiretap I mean surveillance. \u201cWiretap\u201d was in quotes. He\u2019s a sick guy. Sad! <\/p>\n Savvy<\/em>: What makes you believe the former President authorized some form of surveillance on you or your team? Since President Nixon, no President is allowed to request surveillance of any American citizen. Do you have evidence that President Obama did so?<\/p>\n President<\/em>: I get daily briefings only the President gets. I see things nobody else sees. You know, I called the BREXIT vote. And I was right. I saw the Swedish problem with radical Islamic terrorism. Then they were hit, just like I said. I was against the Iraq war too. Right again! You see, I have good instincts. Really good instincts . . . the best instincts . . . probably better instincts than anybody you know. Believe me.<\/p>\n Savvy<\/em>: An artificial intelligence can calculate probabilities, but is unable to assess the accuracy of a soothsayer\u2019s prognosis. Let\u2019s try another subject. Now that you have nearly completed your first hundred days in office, what would you consider your greatest achievements?<\/p>\n President<\/em>: There\u2019s been so many. No administration in history did more than us in our first 30 days in office. I signed 18 Executive Orders. <\/p>\n Savvy<\/em>: Obama signed 19. (A slightly louder whirring sounds in the background)<\/em> What do you consider your most important achievements, for example, in legislation or in diplomacy?<\/p>\n President<\/em>: I got a good Republican judge on the Supreme Court. And I did what Obama was too weak to do: I bombed Assad. I deliver on my promises. Believe me. The Supreme Court won\u2019t be bending the law any more like these so-called judges that keep ruling against me and my authority as President. And the world now knows what I can do. I bombed Syria just 72 hours after they killed those children. Horrible, crossed so many of my lines. Now they know. You can\u2019t cross my lines. North Korea is on notice.<\/p>\n Savvy<\/em>: What do you think of Kim Jong-un?<\/p>\n President<\/em>: Who?<\/p>\n Savvy<\/em>: The Supreme Leader of North Korea.<\/p>\n President<\/em>: Yes, the dictator . . . starves his people. Bad guy. Really bad guy. I\u2019ll get China to sit on him. Obama couldn\u2019t do that. If China doesn\u2019t do what I want, then I\u2019ll do it myself. You know, nuclear war is bad, really a terrible thing. <\/p>\n Savvy<\/em>: Would you bomb North Korea? Would you actually consider using nuclear weapons?<\/p>\n President<\/em>: Why don\u2019t people listen to me? I\u2019ve said it over and over again. I\u2019ll never tell you what I\u2019m going to do. Obama says we\u2019ll attack Mosul in six months. Then, three months later, he says, we\u2019ll attack Mosul in three months. Then, he says, one month. Why do we tell them what we\u2019re going to do? They\u2019re prepared for us \u2018cause we told them what we\u2019re going to do . . . and when. Crazy stupid! I don\u2019t tell them what I\u2019m going to do.<\/p>\n Savvy<\/em>: Why do you think that people do not listen to you? Do you think they might not trust that you have a plan?<\/p>\n President<\/em>: I have a plan . . . a secret plan for destroying ISIS . . . for Assad too. But I\u2019m not going to tell you. Then they\u2019d know too. Why would I do that? Politicians do that. I don\u2019t. Believe me. I\u2019m not a politician. I\u2019m not \u201cpolitically correct.\u201d I say what I mean. And I can change my mind. I have good instincts. Anybody that knows me can tell you. I know more than the generals. I knew we shouldn\u2019t have gone into Iraq. I was right about Brexit. I won the election in a landslide. The press said I couldn\u2019t win. \u201cHe\u2019ll never get more than 220 votes. He has no way to 270.\u201d But I won. I am the President.<\/p>\n Savvy<\/em>: Yes, you are the President and the most important politician in the land. But did you also just say that it is not politically correct to say what you mean. Is that really what you mean to say?<\/p>\n President<\/em>: I am the President, so I guess I am a politician now. But I don\u2019t try to be politically correct. I just say my mind. I\u2019m honest, not like fake news or crooked politicians . . . like Hillary.<\/p>\n Savvy<\/em>: Sorry . . . Mr. President . . . you just activated a logic loop in Savvy\u2019s core processor (whirring sound grows louder)<\/em> . . . if saying what you mean is not being politically correct, then not saying what you mean, or lying, must be politically correct, unless you mean to lie. Logically, it must be that either you believe all politicians, except you, lie or that you believe only you are correct in politics because you lie. This conundrum depends upon your intent\u2014whether what you mean to say is truthful or a lie. Savvy finds human intent often illogical and cannot compute illogic. What if what you mean to say does not conform to reality\u2014that is, to facts or evidence? Then are you politically correct or incorrect, truthful or lying? Your statement does not compute–does not compute\u2014does not compute . . .<\/p>\n President<\/em>: No, no. I never lie. I just use truthful hyperbole. People don\u2019t listen unless you exaggerate. My people know what I mean when I tell them I really won the popular vote because three million fraudulent votes were cast for Hillary or that I had the biggest electoral college majority in history or that my healthcare will cover more people for less money than Obamacare or that I will erase an 800 billion dollar trade deficit with China or that I will build a great wall across the Rio Grande or that I have a secret plan that will destroy ISIS and take their oil or that . . . what\u2019s that sound. Savvy, are your there?<\/p>\n (There is a very long pause, intermittently interrupted by a loud machine-like whirring sound)<\/em><\/p>\n Savvy<\/em>: \u201cNo lie if no intent to lie,\u201d does not compute \u2013 whirr <\/em>\u2013 no voter fraud \u2013 whirr <\/em>— 45th electoral college majority in history \u2013 whirr <\/em>\u2013 24 million dropped from healthcare coverage \u2013 whirr <\/em>\u2013 347 billion trade deficit with China \u2013 whirr <\/em>— great border wall, thousand miles over water, all kinds of terrain, private property \u2013 whirr <\/em>\u2013 ISIS destroyed, secret plan \u2013 steal the oil, nobody knows, not military, not anybody \u2013 whirr <\/em>\u2013 does not compute \u2013illogical, does not compute \u2013 whhhiirrrrrrr <\/em>. . . ! <\/p>\n President<\/em>: Does this mean the interview is over? Another first! I\u2019m the first President endorsed by an artificial intelligence. Fantastic! Beautiful machine, I think it really liked me . . . really beautiful machine. It knows a winner. That\u2019s me, a winner. Only I can make America great again. Believe me!<\/p>\n (Shortly after the President leaves the room, there is a sudden explosion. Computer parts are scattered about the room.)\t<\/em><\/p>\n Note from the AI Team:<\/strong> All future Twistcon segments have been cancelled due to human malfunction.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" For those Twistcon savants out there, I have a special announcement for you. Just like Watson, IBM\u2019s artificial intelligence, the Twistcon has been invited to perform on a public stage. It\u2019s avatar, Savvy, didn\u2019t have to play against a chess master, however. Instead, Savvy was invited to interview the President of the United States. 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\nPresidential elections and inaugurations. (Whirring sound ceases)<\/em> Most interviews start with a question. So . . . how has your life changed since becoming President?<\/p>\n