A Life Apart
Chapter 13: Graduations (pg. 77)
The door opened at
once. He was greeted by Chloe’s dazzling smile. “You came!” She looked at the
flowers in his hand and showed a pitying frown. “Let me put these poor babies in
some water.” Taking the flowers from Paxton, she effectively pulled him into
the apartment. “Come in, make yourself comfortable.” She pointed to the living
area and disappeared into another room. Paxton still had not spoken. She
continued her welcoming monologue from the other room, “How was your daughter’s
graduation?”
Paxton selected a
side chair and sat down. He felt he needed to say something apologetic and
excuse himself. When Chloe reentered the room with the flowers, now in a red
and white vase that accented the red roses beautifully, he again found himself
speechless. She sat down across from him, sinking back into the soft cushions
of her couch. Slowly, she lifted one leg over the other, her light, sleeveless
chiffon dress casually slipping to the midpoint of her upper leg. Still, Paxton
did not speak. His mind was blank, but his heart had increased its tempo.
Chloe stretched one
arm over the back of the couch in Paxton’s direction and tilted her head
inquisitively toward him. “John, what’s the matter? You haven’t said a word
since you arrived.”
“I thought you were
having a post-graduation reception . . . a party of some kind or other.”
“No, I never said
that. What I said was that I would like you to attend my private celebration
party with me. Now that you’re here, we can celebrate together, privately.”
Paxton fidgeted in his seat. “Relax, join my party. Take off your coat, loosen
your tie. You’re here so you might as well enjoy yourself.” Paxton, slowly
succumbing to the moment, stood up and took off his coat. “Throw it over the
side chair and come over here.” She patted the cushion next to her. “Remember
me. I’m your friend.”
Paxton finally
smiled, albeit rather sheepishly. He seated himself on the couch about half a
body width from Chloe. She immediately scooted her body towards him as she
swiveled her crossed legs so that one leg over-hanged his closest shin. She
leaned forward, placed one hand on his leg, and looked searchingly into his
face. “Now tell me what’s bothering you.”
“I don’t know that I
can. I just feel uncomfortable with everything, with myself, I guess.”
“I thought you said
Mirabelle was okay with you leaving her reception early?”
“She’s not the
problem, although I skipped out on her altogether.”
“Jill blasted you
again, didn’t she?”
“You guessed it. But
maybe I deserved it. I don’t know.”
“John, look at me.
I’m your friend, right? Well, I don’t think you deserve her bullshit! You’ve
done everything she’s asked of you. You’ve spent more money on her than
probably any ten men together spend on their wives. You need to stop letting
her make you feel guilty all the time. Look, you’re here now. Relax. See the
bright side of all this.” She squeezed his thigh, as if to emphasize her point.
“What an incredible month you’re having: two graduations in the family, my
graduation—ta da!” she threw her hands in the air—“and near completion of the
trial. Now that’s a big month for any one man!”
Paxton loosened his
tie and unbuttoned his collar. Her hand, once again on his leg, acted like a
heat exchange, spreading its warmth through his whole body. It both comforted
him and disquieted him at the same time. He thought he should take his leave,
but felt the weight of his body anchored in the luxury of its place on that
couch.
Chloe seemed to sense
his uneasiness. “Is the trial still on target?” She removed her hand from his
leg, leaned back and rested her head on the arm she extended behind Paxton.
With the air of a patient listener, she waited his response.
“Of course it’s on
target. In fact, except for that one test, it is actually ahead of schedule.”
Paxton immediately began thinking about his Monday morning agenda. He would
have to make one more call to General Westland to keep him abreast of his
team’s progress and once again assure himself of the general’s support.
Chloe immediately
added a follow-on question. “Do you still think the generals will excuse that
test, the one you said was a condition for trial acceptance?”
“I feel it in my
bones.”
“They must really
want BTM. Do you know why? I mean, they must have a very serious need for BTM
to overrule the trial conditions.”
“Generals like to
play games, call it ‘strategic chess’ on an imaginary battlefield. I can always
tell when a client is hooked on a software product. The first release of BTM is
just a simulator, like a SIM game for the military. Beyond that, I don’t know
anything specific. If I did, I couldn’t talk about it anyway.”
“Maybe you should
know. It would be leverage. You’re a smart guy. I remember what you told me
about how you leveraged IBM into a favorable contract. You knew what motivated
them and used that against them. That’s why you should know what’s motivating
the government to buy BTM, even lowering its trial expectations to close the
deal. I know how brilliant you’re at reading people. You must have some idea.
If you had any inkling at all, you could win better terms, perhaps a lengthier
contract or more upfront money. Didn’t you tell me you have a large personal
stake invested in this project? You could be in a better position if you knew
why BTM is so important to them. Maybe they already have plans for its use. Do
you think that might be the basis for the generals’ overruling the trial
results?”
Paxton turned to look
at Chloe just over his right shoulder. Her face rested just inches from his.
She was expressionless, except for the expansive opening of her eyes. They
spoke of the intensity of her interest. Paxton was surprised both by her
interest and by the acuity of her analysis. He responded, “You’re going to be
good at that business you want to start up. Strange, how you hit upon something
I’ve thought about. There was something in General Westland’s remarks last week
that tweaked me in the same vein.”
“You met with the
head of the Joint Chiefs of Staff?” It was Chloe’s turn to be surprised. She
quickly recovered and asked, “Did he tell you how the Pentagon plans to use
BTM? I mean, do they have specific plans for its use?”
“Well, they might
have immediate plans, I guess. But they wouldn’t tell me. It’s just the way the
general referenced General Perry’s interest in the full production or field
version of BTM. His manner suggested that interest was more about operational
deployment than trial results. Anyway, I don’t know enough to leverage anybody
in the Pentagon. For Solvetur, it would be sufficient
to finish the trial and finalize the existing agreements. That has to be my
primary goal right now. And I’m almost there.”
Chloe moved closer,
nestling her head on Paxton’s shoulder, her forehead against his neck, and
stretching her right arm lazily across his lap. “You could do more if you knew
what General Perry wanted with BTM.”
Paxton felt at once
drawn into a womb of comfort and security and, at the same time, abstracted by
the scene unfolding in his mind’s eye: a middle aged man with a young woman
draped intimately across his body. Suddenly the image made sense. He was caught
in a web of his own construction. Earlier in his car, he had spun this web. But
now he understood its import, belying the feelings of the moment. He was no
longer there with Chloe. Their shared reality was no more than a personal
fiction.
Then, with a flash of
recognition, he remembered Mirabelle’s smile when he told her he would not
attend her reception. It was the same smile he used to see on Jill’s face: it
offered no reproach, just unconditional acceptance and trust. At once, he knew
he had been playing a fool’s game with himself. Chloe could not replace what
was missing in his life.
He gently lifted Chloe’s
arm from his lap and rose from the couch. He reached for his jacket and in a
soft, but firm voice said, “Chloe, thanks for sharing your graduation with me.
I wish you the best with your new enterprise. But I have to leave now. My
family needs me with them to celebrate my daughter’s graduation.” At the door,
he looked over his shoulder and added, “You are a bright young woman with a
great future ahead of you. I wish you all the good fortune that life has to
offer.” He closed the door behind him and was gone.
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